This is Fred.
He is said to be an elm tree that took root on the side of the old bridge leading to the Florida Keys and has become quite famous. Why? Because there is something about seeing a tree growing out of the side of a bridge that is quite remarkable, to say the least. How in the world can a tree thrive on the side of a bridge with no visible soil? This defies odds. It goes against our standard of how a tree should grow. But yet, it majestically stands for all to witness.
This “bridge tree” on the Old 7 mile bridge to Key West is not alone. There have been other “bridge tree” sightings all around Florida. There is something captivating and alluring about them. These trees adapt and thrive in the conditions it’s been given. They are the symbol for surviving in the midst of adversity.
Maybe that’s what God is doing with me in this season of life. Like this tree, I feel like I have been dropped in an unknown location, trying so desperately to figure out how to go on without my husband. Life just isn’t the same with him gone. My children are sad. I am sad. How will I pay the bills? Take care of them alone? Am I even capable to go on? But, then I realize that God has planted me in the right place, at the right time, for such a time as this. Since becoming a widow, I have become more attuned to the hand of God intricately moving throughout every aspect of my life, adding to the masterpiece called “my life”. My eyes have been opened to new possibilities that I would have missed had it not been for the devastation of widowhood.
Growth in Unexpected Places
You see, widowhood is more than something that has happened to me. It has become a calling. As painful as it is to have loss my husband and despite how devastated I feel most days; that misery is becoming my ministry. I have such compassion for others that go through similar loss and for those that are grief stricken due to more than losing a spouse: divorce, losing a child, losing a friend, becoming incapacitated, or a combination of life interruptions. I did not know I possessed the capability to help shoulder someone else’s pain in the midst of my own. It’s funny what is unearthed when under immense pressure.
Practical ways to begin your growth journey
These tips that I am about to share with you does not mean that I have it all figured out. I am still grieving and growing on this journey too. I have learned, through doing the work and making MANY mistakes, what has worked for me and I pray that they can help you.
Pray and meditate. This has become more important to me than ever before. As a widow, I find this to be the thing that has saved my life. When I have been in my deepest moments of sadness; being able to tell God exactly what is on my heart is not only therapeutic, but gives incomprehensible peace that can only come from God Himself. I started out praying during moments through out the day, even if it was only a few minutes while in the bathroom. It has grown over time and now I don’t set a timer. I sit in the presence of God for as long or short of time that we need together. There is no right or wrong way to pray and there are no time limits. The important part is the doing. It is similar to having a conversation with your bestie. Just talk to Him. What you will find is that you will grow even closer to Him and really begin to uncover a deep, intimate relationship with the Creator of the Universe.
Create a thankfulness list. Even in widowhood, there are things to be thankful for; like waking up and seeing a new sunrise or being able to just breathe. Look for the small things.
I know.
In the midst of such a devastating time, this step seems impossible. I get it. I am there with you. I ask that for this one; allow yourself to have a moment in the silence. Breathe deeply; in through your nose and out through you mouth. Now, in the middle of the pain and hurt, search the crevices of your heart. We have an innate desire to survive and thrive. Tapping into that space will lead you to the place in your heart that houses gratitude, thus unlocking some level of peace. Make sure to write down all that comes up for you.
Embrace the silence. This, too, can be a difficult one to do because I’ve found that the silence is so very loud and aggressive. It has made me come face to face with the pain of Oscar’s absence. It causes me to feel the loss in a deeply impactful way; which can be so heartbreakingly crushing. I cry, I tell God how angry I am that he took Oscar away from me, I sit and just be still, I do what I need to do in that moment to express how I feel.
And something remarkable happens.
I am surrounded by peace like a warm embrace and, though my heart is still laced in sadness; in the center of it all I feel a since of contentment knowing that Oscar is good and God’s got me. The scripture comes true for me that says “Blessed are those who mourn, for they shall be comforted.” (Matthew 5:4).
Talk to someone. Pray to find someone you can talk to that will empathize with you or another widow who can walk alongside you through your journey. I am apart of a Griefshare group and it has been helping me work through my pain from a biblical perspective. Seeing a therapist is also a great option for those of us who may need someone who can help us navigate and work through our journey. The therapist may ask you to describe your emotions and feelings and assist you in building coping strategies to deal with tough days like holidays, anniversaries, or birthdays; learning to accept that grief is a normal process and to be expected. You may also learn how to identify unhealthy behaviors that may be harmful for day-to-day life. In my research, I found a helpful website with a list of online therapist here. There may be therapist available to you through your health insurance. In most cases, you can search on your insurance providers website for therapist covered under your insurance plan.
I am here for you.
I am expanding my reach through Facebook and Youtube (coming soon). Please feel free to comment below to tell me about you and what you are doing to help your through your widowhood journey. It truly does take a village.
Conclusion
I don’t know what the future holds for me; but I am willing to keep exploring this avenue of impossible growth. As I give myself permission to feel, it is opening up the door to also have compassion for others; to feel for others. I have this innate desire to be present for the hurting, especially young widows with children like me. Everything in my life has become centered around it. It has become my life’s work and mission to assist grieving women. God is unveiling the next steps in His perfect timing.
Let me say that I am deeply sorry for your loss. Please know that I am praying for you. I know that if you have read this post to this point; Perhaps you are also struggling with loss and looking for some connection and encouragement. I just want to reiterate that YOU are not alone. If you’d like, you can connect with me and let me know how I can pray for you by commenting below. I also have a group on Facebook called: Safe Place: Grieving loss, Renewing strength; an open, safe, judgement-free zone to share thoughts and connect with others who are also grieving and find encouragement.
My heart breaks for you and since we are now sisters in grief, I look forward to getting to know you.
Sincerely, Anna 